looking ahead

I am about to write a dribble of words. I think i have held these in for nearly a year, or probably more, or probably less, but nonetheless a while too long. After finishing my well-written blogs of late '07 and early '08, it popped in my head that i hardly wrote words down this year; Fuck! i never wrote a review for this past Christmas, or of the men i love, or even about what goes around the land ( i lie, that i did, but not nearly as good.) Even as i write this, i ask, what could be the reason for this lack of action in the art i love so much. So even though we are eight days into the new year, i want to promise to my alter ego, i suppose, that i will write even if i have to do speed, weed, or beer. Yuck, beer. The truth about the year prior to this one i can assure you no one really knows because whether it was lame events like Bush in remaining power, real estate plummeting and wall street crashing, recession or depression, Amy Winehouse or Palin protest, Or great events like Radiohead concerts, Britney's comeback, Omaba's triumph, The Dark Knight or Vinyl records going up on sales, last year was a bumpy ride. I learned the most, but i also lost the most, and gained the most last year. I discovered Almost Famous, and i fell for it even though the words on imbd were, "See it, enjoy it, but don't fall for it." I fall too soon and rise too slow. 

But last year the nomadic sparks activated inside my head or heart because i heard the whispers of travel and it was as if i was hunting for the words, not preventing them. I wanted them to bring to life that what had died a while before that resurrection. The adrenaline inside of me, and the adventurous person in me want to go to Thailand, or New Zealand this year for exploration and knowledge, and elephants and children. I realize now that i should write daily, and although Krager said this long ago, i realize now why that is so important. I am so afraid to turn twenty, but not because i might look older, or gain a pound, or grow another grey hair, but because i feel i have done nothing and succeeded at little in these nearly, twenty years. It is so amazing to grow old, and i feel it a privileged, but growing old while doing nothing is horrible and sinful to me. I am getting a bike this ear to ride, perhaps it will have a useful purpose. I am forgiving everyone who hurt me, and i am letting go of everything i miss because it is to heavy to carry around. Last night i had a conversation with the amazing Silver, and like always, i learned something new. Thank you.