What i said to ellen

Six years ago I was the kind of teenager that listened to her mother and did as she was told. One of the rules included music. That meant, no secular music. I cared, but not enough to go against her. Two years ago, around the time i was finishing high school, i developed this love for music. Music slowly became my company, my friend and my sibling. My mother still tries to restrain me from listening to the amazing falsetto vocals of Thom Yorke from Radiohead, and Kings of Leon, Girl in a Coma and even, The Beatles. Music. Radio is my morning breakfast because i have it every morning on my way to school. My uprising CD's are my lunch, and by the way, i am a true believer in still going to a record store and buying CD's and vinyl records. And my Ipod playlists are my dinner and sleeping lullabies. I am in love with music, indie and mainstream. From the Sohodolls to The Killers. I will be forever grateful and if during, let's say, the end of the world, you need my life to live, i will remember that you were the reason I saw Adele and Lil' Wayne, and my favorite band Radiohead, and i will spare you the right to live and give my life for you because that is the role music plays in my life, it is my life. Being at the Grammy's will be an amazing experience. By the way, you are amazing. Want to know why? I like Paris Hilton because of you, you make her cool, and if you analyze that you will see, that is a huge thing to do. Thank you.

Fanning

Man on Fire is an amazing film set in Mexico City, with actors Denzel Washington, Marc Anthony and Dakota Fanning. I fell in love with the young actress who played Pita in the film; her spanish utters, her swimming, he cries and laughs. She was so young, so amazing! A Shirley Templey and Eloise reincarnated. Now she is nearly 15 and, though i have not seen the much obsessed Twilight, a sequel is coming soon and Dakota Fanning might just star in it. Dakota will make me a vampire freak especially if she plays Jane. 

free pass

I want the mickey and the duck. To ride space mountain and eat in Toon town. All i want, on the second dreadful day of spring is to go to Disneyland. No birthday wishes or hugs, simply rides and champagne.

simple prisoner words

I am a prisoner of many cells, behind many bars. The walls in each room are plastered with colorless themes. Posters and phone calls full of vane and worthless memories! Relationships and friendships, heartbreaks and jealousy! I am exhausted of feeling such strong emotion for nothing. What will i gain if i am angry? or stressed, or frustrated? 

I want to write lyrics that rhyme and tell a story about the life we use to have, but every time i try, my mind dives into a cascade where huge rocks beneath lie. I forget about how important this cell is to me. I linger like an ant that sticks around a popsicle that has been dropped on the hot black pavement during the hottest days in summer, trying to eat and smell you because you complete me. But this cell is crowded. It is overflowing with emotion and its' managers. 

I want to break free and be who i used to be. A flirt who launched herself at love every chance she had. Because i realized that falling in love is so much greater than holding back on so many levels. I care little, now, for crying over a broken heart once, twice or a million. Loving is living, and like i said before i am not a dead dog. 

I started running again. A good friend continues to remind me that odd years are great years, and the meaning behind that is worthless, but it makes me feel hopeful and optimistic. 

The cells still exist, but like a guilty prisoner i am finishing up my time and soon i will break free and though the world may have evolved while i was away in this dark place, i will adapt because i am one of the greatest. The world isn't ready for this, but i could care less.

childhood spanish.

Regresa el tiempo por solo un momento. 

A el tiempo donde no existian x boxes, ni rockband o maquillaje, ni computadoras o marijuana.

Estoy hablando de cuando jugabas a las escondidas, el bote escondido, red light green light, mother may i? Hula hoops y happy meals, y correr asta que no tuvieras mas aliento, recuerdas?

Los Sabados en la manana veias caricaturas; el pajaro loco, scooby doo, arthur, pinky and the brain, wonder woman, y el chavo del ocho. Todavia recuerdas?

Espera porque no eh terminado. Cuando tu domingo era una cora y dos un milagro,

Besos de despedida y horaciones para dormir.

Cuando te reganaban o abrazaban o te daban de comer y te pedian que hicieras algo y lo hacias sin pregunta o queja.

Cuando tenias que ir a la direecion de la escuela y te morias de nervios.

Escapabamos por nuestra vida pero no era por miedo a una pistola, o la policia y mucho menos pandillas.

Cuando nuestras deciciones eran echas por un simple 'de ti marin de do pingue'

Y las discusiones eran por quien corrio mas recio.

Yo quisiera regresar por tan solo un momento, y tu?

Recuerda todo esto, y si lo recuerdas entonces has vivido!

the oscar nominations are up

http://www.oscar.com/nominees/?pn=nominees

The freshly posted  Oscar list echoes many of the Golden Globe nominees. Yet, to me, it seems less thought out, not because the nominations are mediocre, but because some categories only have three or four nominees, isn't it suppose to be five. But, i am proud of the Oscars for nominating The Dark Knight in more than one category, the film was everything that a great film should be minus the length.

i love you America.

He inspires me and I have never been so proud of my country's chief until this man came into the picture. Never have i seen such dedication from the people to a nation until Obama accepted his nomination for the democratic party. I am so proud of my country and my fellow countrymen because he is right, Change has come to America. America you are beautiful and i love you.

growing

The one thing i hate about growing up is becoming aware. In the beginning you are kept happy and through time you realize it wasn't the best choice, he wasn't the best boyfriend, she wasn't your best friend, those shoes weren't that pretty, and class wasn't so boring. And when you realize and stop the cycle and thus fighting your once stupidity, the happiness, once so precious, is now rejected.

champagne and strawberries

seal at seal beach.

Going out on a limb to save a seal that rests in sand can be very dangerous. We should always inform ourselves about something especially an animal before we try to save the day. Paula, Jesus and I went to the beach two nights ago and before I 'bravely' attempted to dip my feet into the ocean, people on the pier above us yelled, "There's a seal! There's a seal!" I did not imagine the seal to be so close or even in beach public beach property, but it was. Lying atop the cold moist sand that seal beach neighbors run on and where toddlers build castles! The people above annoyingly told us to push the seal back into the water, but it was too scary, and my internet wasn't working in order to research seals. Minutes later, a lady came to try and do what no one should do; she tried to push the seal back in and in the attempt the seal growled at her and showed us that seal's can be dangerous with its sharp teeth. My advice to you; do not try to play hero, leave it to professionals because you could get hurt and that would be a shame. 

Kate Winslet, Slumdog Millionaire, The Joker, Mickey Rourke and hotties

The title of best actress in a motion picture for Revolutionary Road left the actress Kate Winslet speechless and breathless. Inhaling and exhaling, she told DiCaprio and her husband Mendes that she loved them. 

David beats down Goliath tonight at the Golden Globe Awards. Slumdog Millionaire by director Danni Boyle won 4 awards tonight including best original score in a motion picture, best director, best screenplay and best motion picture. Time after time, each public speaker reminded us that the people in India must be cheering with joy because they were also watching live.

Heath Ledger is remembered and actors stand-up to proudly applaud to the amazing man behind the joker in The Dark Knight after being named best supporting actor in a motion picture.

Mickey Rourke trips as he walks up to receive his globe award for best actor for a motion picture. Thus it was a very heartfelt speech about belief and second chances. 

Best Couple who gave an award, for me, Blake and Rainn.

2009 Golden Globe Winners are . . .

List of Winners. (as seen on NBC)

1. Kate Winslet, The Reader for best supporting actress in a motion picture.

2. Bruce Springsteen, The Wrestler for best original song in a motion picture.

3. Tom Wilkinson, John Adams for best supporting actor in a mini series.

4. Laura Dern, Recount for best actress in a mini series.

5. Gabrielle Burn, In Treatment for best actor in a television series.

6. Anna Paquin, True Blood for best actress in a television series.

7. Wall-E, for best animated feature.

8. Sally Hawkins, Happy-go-lucky for best actress in a music or comedy.

9. John Adams, Producer Tom Hanks for best mini series or television movie.

10.HEATH LEDGER, The Joker for best supporting actor in a motion picture.

11. Waltz with Bashir, Israel - best foreign language film.

12. Laura Linni, John Adams for best actress in a mini series or television movie.

13. Simon Beaufoy, Slumdog  Millionaire for best screenplay.

14. Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock for best actor in a television series.

15. Paul Giamati, John Adams for best mini series

16. 30 Rock, Tina Fey for best television series in music or comedy.

17. A. H. Rahman, Slumdog  Millionaire for best original score in a motion picture.

18. Tina Fey, 30 Rock for best actress in a television series in comedy or music.

19. Danni Boyle, Slumdog  Millionaire for best director.

20. Collin Farell, In Ridges for best actor in a comedy or musical.

21. Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Producer Lenny Harrison for best motion picture in comedy or musical.

22. Kate Winslet, Revolutionary Road for best actress in a motion picture.

23. Madmen, best drama television series.

24. The Wrestler, Mickey Rourke for best actor in a motion picture.

AND!

Tom Cruise hands the Globe Award for Best Motion Picture to . . .

25. Slumdog Millionaire 

Lastly, but of high importance, Steven Spielberg was honored for his 40 years and running in the game. Directing and/or Producing, he is a legend.

unanswered answers

Just come out and say it. My job is not good enough, I'm not good enough.


Excuse the hell out of me, I'm a little drunk.

coco rocha

Certainly i must have seen Canadian supermodel Coco Rocha on the cover of some amazing magazine or on an ad somewhere while flipping through Vogue or Elle, but i never really saw her. Coco is amazing and while i have become one of her loyal followers, Coco has personality and presence. I won't compare her to jessica Stam, Lily Donaldson, or the young Ali Michaels, but Coco is taking the fashion world by storm. While cruising the web i discovered this amazing 5'10 goddess and i was blown away by her humble persona and amazing sense of humor. Hope to see more of her.

man of the curious moment

This months man of the moment may just be Brad Pitt, but maybe not because Tom Cruise is Mr. Hollywood himself according to David Letterman, and like Pitt, currently has a huge blockbuster in the theaters. But Rolling Stone choose Mr. Sexy, who never ages or ceases to make many women, or men, awe and smile, to be the cover of '09s January issue. The interview, by Mark Binelli, randomized questions from "Fight Club" to "Pineapple Express" (no, Pitt is not a character nor is he mentioned in Apatow's hilarious comedy). Of course there were questions about his lovely Angie, as he calls her. 

Let this be your Pitt knowledge for the day; nor Brad or Angelina have ever watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith! Yet it is Brad's favorite Jolie film according to his interview with Rolling Stone. Now, that is just crazy, or maybe i am, but nonetheless it made me mad. Can actors not appreciate their own work? Or are they too into themselves to care? What is their problem? Conclusion; if they do not care, why should we? But we do. Oh, the stupid lime light. Picture by Nadav Kander.

linger.

Every now and every then i write about the desire to fuck them. No, not sexually, my fellow readers, but maybe. More so i want to walk all over someone to the extent of blood and guts, tears and cries. I want to destroy the soul of everyone who has reached in and tried to destroy mine. 

But i can only do so much. So i sit back, and laugh.

looking ahead

I am about to write a dribble of words. I think i have held these in for nearly a year, or probably more, or probably less, but nonetheless a while too long. After finishing my well-written blogs of late '07 and early '08, it popped in my head that i hardly wrote words down this year; Fuck! i never wrote a review for this past Christmas, or of the men i love, or even about what goes around the land ( i lie, that i did, but not nearly as good.) Even as i write this, i ask, what could be the reason for this lack of action in the art i love so much. So even though we are eight days into the new year, i want to promise to my alter ego, i suppose, that i will write even if i have to do speed, weed, or beer. Yuck, beer. The truth about the year prior to this one i can assure you no one really knows because whether it was lame events like Bush in remaining power, real estate plummeting and wall street crashing, recession or depression, Amy Winehouse or Palin protest, Or great events like Radiohead concerts, Britney's comeback, Omaba's triumph, The Dark Knight or Vinyl records going up on sales, last year was a bumpy ride. I learned the most, but i also lost the most, and gained the most last year. I discovered Almost Famous, and i fell for it even though the words on imbd were, "See it, enjoy it, but don't fall for it." I fall too soon and rise too slow. 

But last year the nomadic sparks activated inside my head or heart because i heard the whispers of travel and it was as if i was hunting for the words, not preventing them. I wanted them to bring to life that what had died a while before that resurrection. The adrenaline inside of me, and the adventurous person in me want to go to Thailand, or New Zealand this year for exploration and knowledge, and elephants and children. I realize now that i should write daily, and although Krager said this long ago, i realize now why that is so important. I am so afraid to turn twenty, but not because i might look older, or gain a pound, or grow another grey hair, but because i feel i have done nothing and succeeded at little in these nearly, twenty years. It is so amazing to grow old, and i feel it a privileged, but growing old while doing nothing is horrible and sinful to me. I am getting a bike this ear to ride, perhaps it will have a useful purpose. I am forgiving everyone who hurt me, and i am letting go of everything i miss because it is to heavy to carry around. Last night i had a conversation with the amazing Silver, and like always, i learned something new. Thank you. 

earthquakes.

The first earthquake this year was about two minutes ago and although i live on the second floor, the rattle was easy yet noticeable. My phone is blowing up with text messages, "was that an earthquake?" Yes my friends, it is the 8th day of 2009 and the earth has moved, well at least for Los Angeles County.